juice_factory | (no subject)

(no subject)

It was a well-known rule that, so long as any other option exists, one should never eat the cafeteria food. Too often it was spiked with some sort of weird chemical, potion, mutagen, anything that would cause absurd effects through the school. Also it just wasn't very good. One either had to prepare their own food, or purchase it elsewhere, if they wanted to avoid potential trauma.

Now, there's two distinct problems that come with being raised in a wealthy family: not knowing how to cook, and being accustomed to very fancy food. Hajime wished to learn, but did not want to start with basics. Surely he could do better than sandwiches and rice balls! He'd always been a quick study in all other subjects, cuisine surely would be no different.

The kitchen reeked of cloying sweet sauce, mingled with the scent of charred meat. It's okay that it's burning, right??? That's what it means to be a flambe! He threw some more sauce on it. For flavor. And to cover up the burning smell some more. Everything's fine he knows exactly what to do cooking is a science!

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Sweet. Something sweet was cooking, and the scent of it wafted out from the kitchen into the hallway. Although she had been walking to the library, Edea made a sudden sharp turn and headed toward the smell. She sniffed the air at the entrance to the kitchen, catching a whiff of something else as well. Charred barbecue? Luckily, it was masked well by the sweet sauce, like a woman doused with a little too much perfume.

"Is anyone in here?" She asks, squinting as she walked into the hazy kitchen. Was something on fire? It was certainly hot enough. Smoke tickled Edea's throat. She coughed into her fist and waved a hand to disperse it. An exercise in futility.

Ohhh no someone was here he was going to get in trouble why were the kitchens public?

"Hello! Sorry, it's fine! I'm just--I'll only be a minute more!"

He cleared his throat--not a cough, certainly--and threw a handful of oregano over the mess. Oregano is what is used to make food nice, he knows this.

"Don't mind me, miss, I'll be out of your way momentarily!"

Well, the reply assured her that the person -- whoever it happened to be -- was alive, but certainly not fine. Maybe a tad panicky. Maybe totally panicky. An odd odor swirled from the direction of the stove. Oregano? No, it smelled more like a forest fire than oregano.

"Uhm -- koff -- do you need any help? Should I get the fire extinguisher? Or... or a hose? Some air freshener, at least," Edea called out between coughs, fumbling as the smoke got thicker the closer she came to the panicking chef. Suddenly, she finds the person, bumping into them softly with an oof for added effect.

"I think it's done," she says with a laugh, catching sight of the shriveling piece of charcoal stewing in a sweet sauce concoction. "I think it's been done..."

"Oh no, don't bother yourself, I've got it covered. Really, don't mind me, I--ah."

Hajime gave the young lady the weakest of sheepish grins as he turned off the heat. Yes, it was probably best to consider this a lost cause.

"They do call it "well done" for a reason, after all." He sniffed at it, coughed, and sighed. Or coughed some more, it all sort of merged together.

"Perhaps the juices will soften it up a bit. I'd rather not break my teeth." Yes. That means he's still going to eat it. He has to take responsibility. "Sorry, I'll clean this mess out of your way."

Edea laughed at his stubbornness. She thought he was joking. Really, wait, he was actually going to eat it? She looked into the pot with an expression of terror as the sauce came down from its rapid boil and cooled to a somewhat jello-like consistency with a bubble forming every so often. It looked like a dinosaur caught in a tar pit, but only after it had shot out of an active volcano.

"Maybe..." Edea tried to nod encouragingly to the other student, though her smile was not exactly convincing. He looked very determined to enjoy whatever horror he'd cooked up, though. For a moment, it moved her to pity him.

"Would you mind a dinner guest? I haven't eaten yet."

He opened his mouth, then closed it. Then gave the edible lesson on volatile chemistry another look. He hoped she was not asking what it sounded like she was.

"Miss, for your own safety, I must be blunt. I am not willing to share this."

It hissed at him as he poked at it with a spatula.

"Though if you think you'd get a laugh from watching me consume this, then I would welcome having someone nearby to call the paramedics."

"My name is Edea," said Edea, correcting him as she assumed The Stance. She placed tiny fists on her wide hips and honed in on Hajime with a scowl that could split rock. Or, at least in this case, crack a burnt 'meat' log in two. "And I'm not so easily spooked. You're going to share that monstrosity with me, or you won't eat it at all. I can't let you suffer alone."

Though, he was right. If they both succumbed to this thing, then no one would be able to call 911, but at least they would go down together! Despite her misgivings, Edea's face remained serious. "We're in this... together!"

"Miss Edea...!"

He could see it, her determination blazing, unwavering against the threat of food poisoning. To reject such an impassioned spirit would be to disrespect her... but to risk her safety would ruin the strength of that will!

His posture straightened as he planted his feet between her and the stove. "Your intention is noble, and your bravery commended. But I cannot allow you to take the fall for my errors! I am Hajime Tanaka, and my responsibilities cannot be shirked!"

While he was giving his stupid hero speech, the pan behind him was wobbling on the stove like it was trying to escape.

Right at the end of his speech, Edea slugged him hard in the shoulder and bopped him on the head hard enough to leave a little lump. Surprisingly strong, for such a tiny fist. Hopefully, that'll knock some sense into him.

Edea rested her small hand on his shoulder in a comradely way and, looking into his eyes with undo ferocity, she said, "Hajime Tanaka, don't be an idiot. What good is all that bravado if you only end up dead -- or worse -- stuck on the toilet for a week? If we both go into this together, at least you'll have someone to share a toi-- Did you see that pan move just now?"

What, what, ow, what? Sure, he's gotten sucker punched before, but usually for vastly different reasons. Dazed in equal parts from surprise and pain, he scowled at her through his glasses as he pushed them back up..

"There's a few inherent flaws in your definition of comeraderwhat?"

He whirled around to see and--yes, that's right. The pot was jiggling across the stovetop, with one charred hunk of mystery meat trying to escape over the edge. As he looked, it wiggled its end and gave an audible "Glopp."

"...What the hell was in that sauce?"

Ting, ting -- TANG! The sound of the pot clattering to the ground woke both students from their stupor like a dinner gong. Oh God, it's escaped! The meat was surprisingly fast for a lump of dead animal flesh. It left a trail of drippings as it made haste for the kitchen door, squidging through the swinging entryway into the cafeteria.

"Mrgrgr... we have to get that rascally little thing! Did you see the way it wiggled its butt at you? How rude," Edea grabbed Hajime's wrist and ran after the meat, sliding into the cafeteria on the trail of sauce.

"There!" She points. The Meat is in the middle of the room, surrounded by a puddle of sauce. It's stopped, but something else was going on. PLOP! SSCHLOP! Suddenly, two small arms poke out from the sides. The meat wiggles a bit, then FLOOP! GLUP! two little legs and feet pop out. Like a toddler, the meat hoists itself up onto its newly minted legs and wobbles. Then the meat sprints for the door.

"Gross!" Edea shouts, reminded of a beetle.

The meat was, indeed, both rude and gross, and such insults could not be allowed to stand. Sure, it was a newborn and probably knew no better, but it had to learn manners, culinary abomination of science or no!

"It's growing fast! Who knows what it may get up to!"

Thankfully, it was too short to reach the doorknob for a proper escape. It paused at the door, looked back at the approaching pair, and suddenly spat out a slick of oily, grease-separated sauce in their path.

"Look out!"

Hajime tried to yank Edea clear of the slippery obstacle.

GWOOSH. The slick shot out, covering what lay in its way with a pungent, oily liquid. Edea fell backward against Hajime as he yanked her out of its path, just in time to avoid the brunt of the attack. She was splattered with little bits of the oil, though, and they quickly began to eat through her school uniform and caused red splotches to appear on the bare skin of her arms.

HOT HOT HOT!!

"Agh! Hajime, what did you put in that sauce?" Edea tried to scrub the oil off her skin, but it doesn't do any good. While gritting her teeth to bare the pain of the slight burns, she quickly checked her classmate. "You okay? It looks like it won't give up without a fight."

The meat starts to run for the hallway that lead into the school proper. Before getting to the big double doors, it lets loose another, more concentrated spray of oil and jumps through the hole created by melting clear through the metal and wood.

"Ah--let me see, I'm sorry--I've got some aloe in my room, Miss Edea, it'll be fine!"

In the moments he'd paused to look over her burns, though, the meat was growing more and more powerful. "I am at least eighty percent certain by this point that I should never enter a kitchen again."

With how many things went horribly awry regardless of his actions in this school, a twenty percent margin of error seemed reasonable.

"Come on, it jumped up to the gym, we can corner it there!" He took a hold of her hand to urge her towards the stairs.

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